By the way: My Life is My Choice

By the way: My Life is My Choice

The fight for respectable existence is a hard one for most single mothers in India. They may be widows, separated or divorced, or simply spinsters, the society’s view is still very narrow-minded regarding them


By the way: My Life is My Choice

It’s not really tough to be a single mother. May be you won’t agree with my thought. Confident, competent and caring, just like any other modern woman. She is a single mother. The fight for respectable existence is a hard one for most single mothers in India. They may be widows, separated or divorced, or simply spinsters, the society’s view is still very narrow-minded regarding them.

What does your husband do? Why did you leave him? Who is the father of your child? These are most common questions asked in our society.

Every legal document requires information on husbands. On knowing the truth, Government officials change their mannerisms. From behenji/bhabhiji, they start calling you by your name, to get close to you. And their behavior exhibit mannerisms likened to a predator surveying its prey. 

Since you are single , it is assumed by our society that a single lady has craving for men and she will definitely grab the opportunity that comes along.

Today I want to ask a simple question , ” Is sex too important for a single lady that she can’t live without it”? Or is this a crime to remain single?

I don’t deny the fact that all humans are born with same emotions and sometimes single mothers feel the absence of males in their lives. But it does not mean that they are hunters and  can prey any damn person who crosses their way.

Nothing can be more wrong , many single mothers are happily living alone with their choice of not getting married again. It’s not about sex all the time which can lead you to an unpleasant marriage. How many of you do it daily? Many married couples don’t do it quite often. Then why only single mothers have been targeted all the time?

The reaction of people regarding you and your status in the society changes overnight. People pity your status of being single. The older generation, even your own family sometimes, they blame you, call you a woman of no morals if you talk to men openly. They threaten to take your children away, even call you incapable of handling them because of your single status.

You just can’t go for a movie with a male colleague. You can’t call him friend. Either you have to tie a rakhi on his hand or you have to sleep with him. But you can’t be friend with a male without giving it a name.

I think even a rickshaw puller gains more respect in our society rather than single women.

People also believe them to be of low character. They work under pressure because co workers and colleagues can easily make fun of them. I know a respectable man who links his female staff to other males just to hide his own weaknesses. He is indulged in illegal affairs and his own wife mistrusts him.

These type of males keep on putting blames on females. No one in the society or office wants to know the truth. They have full right to comment on female’s character because it is the easiest.

A single woman is an easy target for gossip and discrimination. Adoption is quite a problem for single mothers, and even after that, they don’t get the due respect. It’s not only a case of turning deaf ear to the gossip.

I have different opinion on this issue. I am a single mother. I have faced same problems and still struggling hard to overcome this madness. I can strongly say that it’s not tough to be a single parent.

If you are a single parent, you have to take care of all the physical and emotional needs of your child. Right from personal hygiene, dietary habits, school work, punctuality and peer group. You can partially share this responsibility with the child’s grandparents or a trusted friend or even a loyal maidservant. But you are ultimately responsible at the end of the day. Never regret this responsibility.

Although single parenting is quite a lifetime task, there are ways to take on this responsibility. 

Parenting is undoubtedly a major responsibility, more so when the mantle falls on a single parent. A single parent has to bear with added responsibilities, tensions and pressures. Either due to separation, divorce or death of a spouse, a single parent is left alone to deal with multiple tasks. There are always meaningful ways to overcome the initial apprehensions about single parenting.

Confide in your trusted relatives while taking important decisions concerning your child’s future, be it education or hostel accommodation or foreign travel. You will be surprised about the fact that there are people offering unbiased advice. If you are on talking terms with your ex-spouse consult him or her on major occasions. Let the child also meet the separated parent. But if this adds to the complications, take the decisions on your own.

A single parent has to take the place of the missing parent.  You should offer a healthy wholesome human being as a parent. As far as possible, never let your bitterness, bad experiences, annoyance and anger, infect your child’s psyche. Be frank with the child. Make him or her your companion. Never ever poison the child’s mind against the separated spouse. And make the child realize the importance of friendships and lasting human relationships.

It’s not tough to be tough at times. Don’t answer stupid questions asked to you. Avoid indulging into arguments. If you are targeted for your independence and freedom, don’t become nervous. You are much better than those who have less qualities and more time to gossip about you. Higher authorities don’t give weightage to cheap gossips and rumours. Senior officials need your hard work and they have ability to judge you by your performance. People who gossip about you have no capability. Hard working  senior officials hardly take interest in your personal life. It’s not easy to prove these blames in court. A woman can challange these people in court for defamation for her character assassination. It’s not difficult to deal with these situations but you must not choose wrong ways to prove yourself. Your life is an answer to those who talk behind your back. Why do they always gossip behind your back? Its because they are wrong not you. No one has right to comment on your character.

I am a modern woman who is comfortable with both males and females. I enjoy these gossips and sometimes I don’t give explanations to justify my actions. Reason is simple, my life is my choice. I live it with pride and teach others to live with pride and honour till the last breath.

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