Director: Ashish R Mohan Cast: Akshay Kumar, Asin, Mithun Chakraborty, Himesh Reshammiya Genre: Action, Comedy Rating: 1.5/5 Movie Reviewed At: PVR Cinemas, Udaipur

Goons soar up in the air upon being beaten, cars are crumpled by atrociously lame kicks, glasses crack on a regular basis with unapologetic brash sounds and the Khiladi stands in the middle of the frame, as shamelessly as possible, trying to slip in the shoes of Superman. One must wonder where his source of power lies! Well, I got it, in the abysmal writing and appalling direction of Khiladi 786.

Story! Trust me; such a thing never existed in Khiladi’s world, still read! There is this owner of marriage bureau, Champaklal, whose son Mansukh (Himesh Reshammiya) is one dollop of horridness. So, Mansukh tries to justify his name by finding a match for a crime lord’s sister (Asin). Guess where the search ends! On the doorsteps of Bahattar Singh’s (Akshay Kumar) home! Then our Akki meets Asin and realizes that ‘dono ki Jodi dynamite hai’, and falls head over heels for the lassie. This starts the endless scuffle to impress the girl and then convincing both the families to tie them in a knot. Lame!

Well, there is no need for a roundup of performances as the character development slugs to zero in the first hour and then proceed to negative measurements in the unbearable second half of Khiladi 786.

With half shirt tucked in and half carelessly left out, Akshay Kumar walks from one scene to another with such retarded-ness that even the sloppiest of your buddy would be ashamed. If that’s not enough to provoke you to pull your hairs off, we have, the brazenly lunatic Himesh Reshamiya, who takes the silliness quotient to dizzying heights. Yeah, dizzying!

The crime lord, TT, played by Mithun Chakraborty, twitches his utterly fake moustache and does nothing except squandering around while throwing trashy dialogues.

If you can even take the vileness of the ‘so-called-acting’ and the laughably bad script, action masala does no good to your mood. The fighting sequences are so absurd and illogical that you just want to shield your eyes and wait for the torture to pass through. Well, the other option is to leave the hall, which even saves you from the crass seeties (whistles) and hootings! Strangely, the music given by the co-producer, Himesh Reshammiya, somehow redeems the movie. Though it is thoroughly nasal and contains some of the most horrible lyrics you have ever come across, it does rescue Khiladi 786 from its non-coherent plotline and puke inducing action sequences.

Khiladi 786 is awful in its execution. With macho stupidity and horrendously clueless acting from its cast, it is an achievement in pretentiousness!