Article by Richa Dikshit

Parents can be in a quandary sometimes when they don’t know how to deal with their children when they misbehave. Punishment is out. But guidance is a better answer than trying to teach them a lesson.

There are no better students like children as they are always ready to learn. They actually look up to us to teach them. 

If we throw a tantrum and yell at each other, that is what they’ll learn. If we say, “I’m going to take a walk to chill out.” that is what they will learn too. The real lesson is not what you say to the child. The secret is to calm down when kids misbehave as it in turn teaches the child to be calm.

The logical solution is not preventing your child from playing with that favorite toy when he/she misbehaves. That will only cause further misbehavior.

Most of the parents think it is the right attitude, especially in India. Kids toys play a big role in calming kids down so a little value addition is needed. Speech is important when it comes to the toy story. What if Bugs Bunny threw away all his food? Would it make his daddy happy?

Set the right limits

The right limits must be set. Blocks are not meant to be thrown! You can throw balls but you must do that outdoors!

Please don’t scream inside the car. That’s a rule for safe driving!

Acknowledge feelings

Before you preach, ensure that children understand where you are coming from. Instead of How many times do I have to tell you to go to the bathroom? say something like I would hate to stop building LEGO train set like you do. But if you don’t have a bath now we’ll all be late for lunch.

In India, we see the best possible solution to all the problems, people feel is raising voice. We must acknowledge raising your voice is not an alternative for a child to cooperate.

Coach emotions

Helping a child learn emotion before teaching him/her something is advisable. If you’re child has said something nasty to you, it is natural that you will be upset. But anger management is crucial here.

Saying how dare you speak to me like that? Go to your room at once! Won’t help. Instead try Ouch! You know all of us speak respectfully to each other in this family. What’s wrong sweetie?

The main objective of an approach like this is two-fold. It teaches a kid to process emotion and the fact that it’s normal to have feelings. It also teaches the child to behave better as he/she realizes that words have the power to hurt.

Mend Fences

Children are keen to repair the damage they’ve done. But instead of saying something humiliating like Go and apologize to your sister NOW! It’s better to have a chat like- Your sister is pretty upset that you broke her favorite toy. How do you suggest we make her happy?

Help the child respect

Lectures don’t work most of the time and neither do punishments. Only if the child is willing to learn, one can teach. Sharing observations, wondering aloud and allowing a child to reflect upon them help him/her comprehend actions and the results of such actions.

Keep in mind, if the child’s misbehavior is on account of lack of knowledge of appropriate behavior then teaching him/her suffices. But misbehavior despite knowing the appropriate behavior is a cry for help. After all, what you do is more important than what you say!

Richa is the Founder of Toy Tasting. Toy Tasting is a video channel about toys. The channel releases 2 videos every week (Wed and Fri). Each video is released after receiving feedback from at least 3 families in the Toy Tasting panel.

Formerly an investment banker with Merrill Lynch, Richa is based out of Mumbai, India- where she stays with her two daughters and husband.